malarial haze

a long and arduous week exacerbated by self-diagnosed malaria.  i know from previous enjoyment of the illness that i can see perfectly clearly but behind my eyes there is a fuzzy cloudiness.  it is difficult to explain, unless discussing it with others that have experienced having malaria.  it doesn’t hit me as hard as some others, i’ve known some to be hospitalised or need injections rather than the over the counter pills.  every time i tried to rest throughout the week, something else came up.  surmounting obligations, and that.

for the most part, people in nigeria ‘just get on with it’, no matter the situation.  i suppose i have adapted in a way to this very stance.  despite feeling incredibly ill throughout the week, i did not take any time off work and in fact, managed to teach some first aid in addition to my regular curricular hours and my activities.  i also snuck in some time to teach a pal of mine a french canadian swear.

i know myself.  i am an adrenaline junkie.  i work hard, play hard and then collapse by resting hard.  there is no such thing as a happy medium with me.  it is all or nothing; the manic roller coaster ride that is my approach to my life.

one of my colleagues keeps telling me how strong i am.  i have difficulty accepting such a statement.  there are so many instances in my daily interactions that reveal weakness and vulnerability.

malaria brings about an interesting head space.  i have been having a number of nostalgic philosophy thoughts from back in university.  i have begun hosting a philosophy group on friday mornings over cups of tea and have been very interested to hear what the students are thinking about and saying to each other when prompted with quotes or theories from infamous philosophers.  yesterday i took a vow of silence between 7:30 and 8:10 so that my opinions would not taint the views and discussions of the students.  some thought my silence was creepy.

i’ve been listening to ubiquitous  synergy seeker a lot and some of their remarks have made me think about ideas that had been sleeping inside me for many years.  like the tragically hip, i want a book that will make me drunk.

one of my keen student thinkers, last year borrowed my leibniz text from uni, the main point i took away from it was ‘the best of all possibles’.  the boy lost it and i couldn’t help but think that somehow that was the best of all possibles.  he didn’t think that was true.  it reminded me of the time a co-worker stole my copy of abbie hoffman’s ‘steal this book’.

i guess the point of all this is that i have got a great deal out of this week, even with a malaria parasite infested brain.  thinking and discussing are so important to me and sometimes i wish i had more time to do it.  next week i get two free days to do whatever i like as nigeria celebrates eid.  i cannot wait.

my challenge to myself is to complete my six or seven draft posts waiting to be published here.  please keep checking back and reading.  i know there is a lot more to say via personal responses and fiction.


One thought on “malarial haze

  1. Some say silence is golden, but I think it’s more like platinum. Sometimes I have to try really hard to stop and simply think before I say anything. It is very cool that, and how, you’ve been able to reflect on how you look at things and ingest them.
    Stay intersting :).

    Liked by 1 person

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